...it goes

I don't mind
Spending time
I don't mind
Spending time

We've all got ours
It's never dealt
You don't tell time
It's only felt
You can't divide
What can't be spelt
We've all got ours
It's never dealt
You don't tell time
It's only felt
You can't divide
What can't be spelt

Time
It flows
Time
It goes

I don't mind
Spending time
I don't mind
Spending time

You can't count time
When there's no part
You don't need clocks
When you've got a heart
You don't need ends
When there's no start
You can't count time
When there's no part
You don't need clocks
When you've got a heart
You don't need ends
When there's no start

Time
It flows
Time
It goes

I don't mind
Spending time
I don't mind
Spending time

Time
It flows
Time...

a rooted tree (adapted from an original song)

My body feels so empty
because my mind feels so full
This 'I's got too much logic
but those words don't mean a thing
I'm still so young at heart
--this body needs to grow
Lend me your fruit to eat
--something I don't know
My lips against your life
Their sound now comes from you
I hold so tight
Your body feels so real
while my words are all abstraction
My thoughts come and go
You are the rooted tree
around which the river flow

She tells me
there's too much water
in her name
so her fear is high
especially over the ocean
but that's okay
because I've been running dry
and I hadn't even known
until in her rain
and it's a good thing
that I love the rain
I don't mind
taking her name

the parable of the perpetual sun

there exists a world of perpetual dusk and dawn where the sun is always low and the sky always the colors of dawn and dusk. the thing is, no one knows if the sun is perpetually rising or perpetually setting. no one knows if it is dusk or dawn. and no one can agree one or the other. there is always debate and all the scientists and all the philosophers and all the religions argue the matter. some say it is perpetual dawn- the sun is always rising. some say it is perpetual dusk- the sun is always setting. some say the sun isn't actually moving at all and still others say that it is both rising and setting.

one day a man was sitting outside a cafe that faced the lake, drinking a coffee and reading hemingway. he sat facing the lake with the perpetually colorful sky above it. every now and then he would glance up to it for second before returning to his reading. next to him sat two men, sitting parallel to the lake and sky and looking intensely at each other- their eyes never leaving the other. they were discussing this great quandary- this most famous of mysteries. of course neither agreed with the other and they both argued their points vehemently. finally, at an impasse and a bit exhausted, they paused their debating. the man looked up from his novel during this silence and happened to make eye contact with one of the debaters, who then called to him.

"we're discussing the great question!"

the man laughed and said, "i know."

"well, what do you believe? is the sun rising or is it setting?"

the man thought for a second before looking out across the lake and at that bright, colorful sky with all those oranges and reds and all those yellows and violets stretching and streaking across it- painting all those pretty, white clouds. he saw that ever present sun- glowing and shimmering and making those colors all so real. he took it all in for a few moments and held it. then he looked back at the two men waiting for his answer and said, "i have absolutely no idea... but it sure is beautiful to look at." the debaters looked at the man in silence as he went back to reading his novel.

[untitled] (or, the nihilists) {a song}

i see her there...

actin' like she don't care,

with that braided up, twisted hair

and that ice blue stare

   ohh that ice blue stare

i think, "hey there girl

                           who looks just like a boy

                              who looks just like a girl

                                 and she's on top of the world...

                       your androgyny

                          well it's killin' me...

                             takin' the breath right outta me

                                and the floor right from my feet

                       oh, do i dare?

                       oh, do i dare?"

i say, "hey girl what are you doin'?"

she says, "a whole lotta nothin'"

so i say, "well do you wanna do somethin'?"

she says, "well nothin' is technic'ly somethin'

                              cause there's no such thing as nothin'"

so i say, "then do you wanna do nothin'?"

she says, "as long as it ain't nothin'"

i say, "do you wanna know somethin'?"

she says, "as long as it ain't somethin'"

      "well your androgyny

            it's killin' me...

                takin' the breath right outta me

                   and the floor right from my feet."

she says, "well you better find your breath,

                              unless you wanna get close to death."

i say, "only if death's your name."

she says, "well, ain't it all the same?"

ain't it all the same?

she says, "and you better find the floor, cause i got one idea more."

i say, "as long as it ain't somethin'

                      cause i haven't had enough of nothin'"

she says, "do you wanna move?

                              and dance like we don't care?

                          oh, do you dare?"

she says, "do you dare?"

Her face catches my eye, because for a second I think it's you. I suppose I knew it really wasn't, but I can't help but stare- as if maybe she'll become you if I just stare long enough.

Quantum Lullaby (a song)

strings and waves are your sound
sending your voice down through me
oh mother, send it through me
you sing sweetly
and when i talk to myself
then i'm talkin' to you
and when you talk to yourself
then you're talkin' to me

cause i hear you
and you hear me
i believe in you
and you in me
i'll be your voice
and you'll be mine
We'll be this om
cause We're one and the same
and We both share this name
mother
my mother
and We both live
as vibrations
these vibrations


tunnels and light are your mind
like synapses inside of mine
sending Your love down through me
oh Mother, send it through me
and i'll send it right back through you
it's the only way that's true

cause i love you
and you love me
i believe in you
and you in me
i love i
and you love you
so We love We
cause We're one and the same
and We both share this name
mother
my mother
and We both live
as quantum love
this quantum love

visage (her face) |i| [a song]

i got a voice inside of me
if it had a body it'd be on its knees
beggin' me to move my feet
but that ain't easy
it understands
it knows i'm lost in this new land

i only ever pray for love
otherwise my faith is dead
i only ever pray to get
a second chance to be near her
but i'm just too afraid to move
when it's knockin' on my door
my atoms, they freeze in space
when they come across her face


i got a voice that talks to me
if it had a body it'd be on its knees
beggin' me to move my mouth
but that ain't easy
it understands
it feels the shakin' in my hands

i only ever pray for love
otherwise my faith is dead
i only ever pray to get
a second chance to talk to her
but all my words catch on my tongue
and all the air stays in my lungs
my atoms, they freeze in space
when they come across her face


i got a voice that speaks to me
if it had a body it'd be on its knees
beggin' me to look her way
but that ain't easy
it understands
it knows my nerves are made of sand

i only ever pray for love
otherwise my faith is dead
i only ever pray to get
a second chance to see her face
i swear to god i almost die
every time i catch her eye
my atoms they freeze in space
when they come across her face
i swear to god i know i die
every time i catch her eye
but it's such a good death
i forget i'm real, i'm nothin'ness
my atoms, they freeze in space
every time they see her face

visage (her face) |ii|

i don't sleep anymore
i just lie on the floor
hopin' god don't ignore
all my beggin' for her

"please don't let me forget her face
    please god, please let it stay
       cause i would die if slipped away"

die right here on the bedroom floor

"please don't let me forget her face"

this has gotta be somethin' real to me
cause i ain't cried in so long
no i ain't cried in so long
i don't sleep anymore
with all my beggin' on repeat

"please don't let me forget her face
  please don't let me forget her face
  please don't let me forget her face
  please don't let me forget her face
  please don't let me forget her face
  please don't let me forget her face
  please don't let me forget her face"

cause i would die if it slipped away

Womb (a poem)

perhaps we are in the Womb
-dreaming in the Womb
waiting to be Born...
and if you listen close
you can hear the heart
-you can hear Her heart...
beating, beating, beating...
we will be Born
but until then,
feel Her pulse
and keep
dreaming, dreaming, dreaming...

(a poem)

they say to dance
as if dancing for someone
...but is it really dancing
if the girl i dance for
doesn't exist?

stream of conscious looking out at an intersection

a woman with a walking stick
she doesn't move
someone I know walks away
others run
others drive
I sit
I observe
but it's all still motion

stream of conscious sitting cross-legged in bed

grease on plastic

is head on pen

but still oil on oil

i wanted to be a paleontologist

when I was a kid

Am I a dinosaur?

I hear some evolved into birds

stream of conscious looking at a shirt in the bathroom

there's a time and a place
and a pocket and a pheasant
and all of those begin with 'p'
except time
time doesn't have a beginning

stream of conscious exiting Bascom

lichen to the rain
for the green to the clear
and all the colors you hold dear
and the waves disappear
the sound after the tree
only one eye overseas

Stream of Conscious in a Café

Old madness in this place
All these people and lives
We're all in a café though
"We're lost" I hear at the counter
like all wild animals, as I had heard before
Baskets
I picture wicker
Don't think too hard now
Otherwise pure conscious is lost
They say not to use the same word twice in a sentence
but he had used 'pure' twice
Don't reread now
Otherwise pure conscious is lost
That's just looking back at the past
the past is done
I'd say that's the point of this
but this would have to have a point first

grey

why is grey a "sad" color?

it had been grey the day i had cried tears of happiness.

She had cried with me. one of Her tears had fallen beneath my eye.

it had been grey the day i had felt such pure peace and contentment.

the concrete i had stood on had been grey when i had realized that She was perfect.

the trees had been grey when i had felt myself inside of Her perfection.

the sky had been grey when i had realized that i was in Her mind.

She had caressed my face. Her breath had flowed over my skin.

the horizon had been grey when i had felt myself in Her arms.

the whole world had been grey the moment i had lost all sense of self.

She had absorbed me. She had shown me what i was.

so why is grey such a "depressing" color?

A stone rolls in front of my feet.
My heart rolls in front of my eyes.
And I am always two steps behind-
always trailing, always wanting
...wanting so badly.
But it's my fault.
I'm the one who keeps kicking it.

(a haiku)

fruit bitten with lust
or a fruit bitten with love
is still fruit bitten

Telomere

We're dying all the time.

Grow. Divide. All inside.

Grow. Divide. I abide.

Grow. Divide. Suicide.

We're living all the time.

Grow. Divide. All inside.

Grow. Divide. I'm outside.

Grow. Divide. See with eyes.

We're dying all the time.

We're living all the time.

No black. No white. It's all grey.

No black. No white. Just today.

No black. No white. It's all light.

We're  l d i y v i i n n g g  all the time.

Grow. Divide. Suicide.

Grow. Divide. See with eyes.

No black. No white. It's all light.